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In Which We Take The Long Sleep
What's After Life? by ALEX CARNEVALE Before we die, it's a continual panic about things coming to an end, kind of like how all goodbyes are depressing. After we die, what a rush! We can deduce that...
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In Which Molls Handles Your Parents And Boyfriend For You
Plz Advise by MOLLY MCALEER Plz Advise is an advice column. You can e-mail me questions about almost anything, but don’t like, take out a loan against your 401k or murder anyone based on anything I...
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In Which Some Letters Are Failures But Few Are Lies
The Breakup by LUCY MORRIS 1 I am home in the Midwestern city where I was born, and I am not entirely certain how I got here. I know that I have taken a lot of trips in the last year, to two...
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In Which There's A Girl In New York City Who Calls Herself The Human Trampoline
Where We All Will Be Received by NELL BOESCHENSTEIN I know a six-year-old in Berkeley who starts each day by asking his parents to “put on the rock & roll!” and they know he means Graceland. It’s...
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In Which You Didn't Even Pay For Your Burger Sandwich
Great Moments in TV Dubbing by LAUREN BANS The network TV office where all things FCC-prohibited meet their vanilla alternatives is obliquely dubbed the Standards & Practices department, in the...
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In Which Tina Fey Engages With Pee Jars And Breast Milk
Her Own Foil by DAYNA EVANS Bossypants by Tina Fey Little, Brown and Company, 288 pp. When the realization finally occurs to you at a near-adult age that the academic path you’ve chosen can only lead...
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In Which Sidney Lumet Tells Us The Price Of Gas
Getting It by DURGA CHEW-BOSE Running on Empty dir. Sidney Lumet 1988, 115 min “Note-perfect,” was how my friend Akiva described Sidney Lumet’s Running on Empty in a recent gchat. As it often happens,...
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In Which Molls Teaches You To Be A People Person
Plz Advise by MOLLY MCALEER Plz Advise is an advice column. You can e-mail me questions about almost anything, but don’t like, take out a loan against your 401k or murder anyone based on anything I...
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In Which The Tree Is A Mnemonic Representation Of Charlotte Gainsbourg
Staring Wistfully At Foliage by ALEX CARNEVALE The Tree dir. Julie Bertucelli 100 mins After her husband is murdered by screenwriters, Dawn O'Neil (Charlotte Gainsbourg) has a rough time of it. She...
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In Which We Rubberize Femininity For Good
Her So-Called Life by ELISABETH DONNELLY Hanna dir. Joe Wright 111 minutes Every teenage girl is an assassin, wielding words like weapons, carving out their spaces in the world by defining what,...
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In Which There May Never Be Another Buffy
Full Time by JESSICA FERRI Buffy The Vampire Slayer creator Joss Whedon Stop for a moment and think about the one person you can completely trust. It could be your partner, it could be your best...
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In Which It's The Kind Of Place Where They Dim The Lights
Bikini Wax Diaries by LAUREN BANS Waxists have flitted in and out of my life like boys or gynos or anyone else who ends up causing me high levels of anxiety at times when I'm not wearing pants. I laid...
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In Which We Choose A Brutally Self-Negating Credo
Cool Kids Never Have The Time by ARIANNA STERN It is fortunate, if not a little miraculous, that the time in my life in when I was the most alienated was also the time when it was cool to style...
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In Which We Flirt And Make The First Move
How To Love The Way You Look by DURGA CHEW-BOSE Teen People is a cache of celebrities pre-yoga; a wealth of baby fat, dimples, and Simpson sisters. The design too, is totally obsolete; like one of...
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In Which We Take A Room With A View Of Burkina Faso
The Road to Ouagadougou by DAYNA EVANS The whole city of Ouagadougou smells like burning trash and gasoline, which gives me unholy headaches, causing every night of the seven nights I am there to feel...
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In Which We Come Back To Life As A Tricycle
Death Tire by SARAH LABRIE Rubber dir. Quentin Dupieux 85 minutes Quentin Dupieux’s Rubber is a movie about a psychokinetic tire that kills people with its mind. We know the tire — listed in the...
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In Which We Murdered Him By Firing Squad On An Ocean Planet
Fought In A War by ALEX CARNEVALE Home Fires by Gene Wolfe Tor Books, 304 pp Sometimes people will stop me in a grocery store or in a park or when I'm high on ecstasy and they will ask me, "AC, who is...
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In Which Our Chastity Is Compromised By Khal Drogo
Missing U Rhaegar Targaryen by DICK CHENEY Game of Thrones creators David Benioff & D.B. Weiss HBO, Sundays at 9pm Guess who's back. Back again. Cheney's back. Inform no one of my presence here....
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In Which Maeve Brennan Wears A Rose In Her Lapel
Please Solve In One Line by ELIZABETH GUMPORT There are some lives that seem determined to be lead, people doomed to be themselves. New Yorker writer Maeve Brennan is one of them: born in Dublin in...
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In Which Molls Will Date Someone With Many Disadvantages
Plz Advise by MOLLY MCALEER Plz Advise is an advice column. You can e-mail me questions about almost anything, but don’t like, take out a loan against your 401k or murder anyone based on anything I...
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